Advice for song

[Fat Mannequin]

Hello all
i know this is an often done thread. but smeh.

this is my first post. *shrugs shoulder and looks nervous*.
i've been playing guitar for about two years or so, and i've finally gotten around to writing, recording stuff (actually *dedicatedly*) (that's right, i can make up words too) :D. but i digress.
i've got a song up and i'd like anyone here to listen to it. i've been reading these boards for about a year and I really respect everyone's opinion here.

the full song (http://home.iprimus.com.au/raven_13/songs/comedown/comedown.mp3)

the solo (http://home.iprimus.com.au/raven_13/songs/comedown/possible%20solo%20-%20discordant.mp3)

the outro (http://home.iprimus.com.au/raven_13/songs/comedown/outro.mp3)

a bit about the song:
it's in the spanish gypsy scale, which is my favourite scale to work in. it has a steady, walking beat. the chorus is ungodly slow (it may change tempo, i'm not sure). used a crappy strat copy. neck pickup, tone backed down a bit for a bit of warmth. no vocals yet. (chorus has vocals and melody, but i have to build up my confidence and also write some stuff for the verses)

this is a re-record of the song. did it the other day. the bass is not in yet , and the solo and the outro are seperate (for reasons that will become apparent).

i decided to work with loops and what not using cool edit pro 2.0, and it worked out fairly well. after about 3-4 hours playing tho, the high e string snapped and so did the g. :( . so i went to record the bass. when i did i found out my guitar was out of tune when i recorded. *sigh* may have been down a half step, i'm not sure. but it made the bass clash like a mofo. so i have to re-record *again* grrrrr. but i can't til i get some new strigs. oh well. so that's why the solo is seperate as well (it was done earlier) and there's no bass. i have a verse with bass that was recorded a while ago that i'll put up if anyone is interested. bass really fills it out actually.

the outro is seperate because i guess i was a little too pumped and i played extra fast :S so it didn't fit. but i still like it and wan't to keep it in the song (again, once i re-record).

sorry to all if i bored you to tears or if i'm out of line randomly asking you guys to listen to my song.
thanks

[jacobhimself]

i think its a pretty cool song... i think its really unique and you definatley have your own style... id reccomend playing with a metronome... i think it started lagging a bit towards the end.. also.. for some reason i think a backwards guitar solo would fit in with that realllly well... but yeah cool stuff man.. keep postin new sounds..

[joeinthebox1980]

hey... that sounds pretty cool!

it kinda reminds me of a song i did with another band a while back. it had a similar sort of style (gypsy-esque)... it was wild!

i agree with jacob... a backwards guitar solo could sound pretty darn cool there.

loosely reminds me of some Beatles stuff.

[Fat Mannequin]

thanks for the replies guys. i'm quite flattered. my band has completely abandoned me on this one. my drummer hates the thing. says it's too slow. he can't stand it. although i do feel for him having to write drums to something as odd as that. it's 4/4 but still.

I was told by my band to think of this song as a 'side project'. So i'm making my own cd, with four songs or so on it. all the good quirky/original songs i've been saving i'm putting on it. they can stick to their happy songs.

I want to change it a bit. the backwards solo idea is reallly cool, how would i go about that? i really liked the one i already had tho. it was completely random improv within the scale. by the end of it i was hitting random notes without thought. it was fun and cool. i was thinking of putting some atmospheric trem picking in the chorus at one point (maybe all the choruses (chori?) or maybe just one or two toward the end. a la radiohead's exit music for a film). some general more guitar parts. some lead in the verses/ chorus perhaps. maybe another bridge cause i have about 4 more chord progression that used to be in this song.

more people listen to my song! i want more opinions about it. i'll post a link to the verse that has bass in it soon. when my isp gets its ass into gear.

[rocknroll321]

The song is fine! You could do heaps with it like add distortion and a few effects here and their and it would be awesome. Make it sound like that new Magic Dirt song "All My Crushes" because it has that ambient feel to it. Anyway its your song and you can do whatever you want to do with it :D

[gottajibboo]

yeah, good song fat mannequin! it kinda reminds me of the doors. i like the tempo change a lot, i'd love to hear a full band play it with the drums accentuating the riff that brings the different parts together, like drums hitting on each note. not like thrashing away at each note, just real nicely, to match the gentleness of the guitar. keep it up and please have a listen to the stuff on my site.