Some more lyrics....

[JDogg]

I need some opinion on lyrics. My friends read them and say they're really good and all but I can't trust friends to give an honest opinion, as I know I couldn't tell somone they're work was ****.

So i'm turning to you guys to tell me like it is :D

So here's 3 of our songs with my lyrics:

Sleep through it

I see through your eyes
I open up to your smile
I hear this, this music
And I know it’s for real

Chorus:
Unconditionally
Ill be here forever and
Unconditionally
I’ll check my watch now
And for the next one thousand years, I’ll be waiting
For the day, the day that I’m not tired

I look inside myself
And find some light, so well kept
I use it right, it lights the room
Its feels warm, it feels so good

Chorus

White on black, new purity
White on black, tainted innocence




White Noise and Monochrome Film

Holding out her hand
To burn mine
Leaving out her mind
To battle
I hope your ignorant
It’s bliss, but not when, you’re trapped in the middle

Chorus:
Yeah
She opens her mouth; white noise for all to hear
I’m living a lie, that cliché held so dear
Her mouth moves so slow, like a dubbed movie’s text and we’re
Dieing a death, I think that’s clear

The noise is deafening
Feedback ringing through my battered ears
The movie’s terrible, over-scripted actors playing parts that were only meant for me
But I don’t mind, so long as I get the royalties
However pathetic that may seem

Chorus:

White noise and monochrome film, and I’m caught in the middle
White noise and monochrome film; trite and colourless

Chorus:




Salt Water

Intro:
It’s too late to rewind
It’s been too long
Don’t wish fast forward
I won’t be waiting for you

Take a fist of salt, to the ice so cold
And let it melt, let it flow
Feel the taste, feel it through your soul
Salt water in your veins, to wash away your fears

Chorus:
It’s been so long
Bitter sweet
Bittersweet still tasted on my tongue
Bitter sweet
The feeling of breaking free
Bitter sweet
Better than you thought it could be

Words fall past, trapped in white reflections
Of a thousand different faces that they’ve passed
Don’t get sucked in just breathe it out
Salt water in your face, to make you see it clear

Chorus:


I know it's hard to judge them with no music but any feedback would be good. Cheers. :)

[InTheLottery]

You might want to try telling a story in your songs, people often find a song with a cleverly told story more interesting and entertaining than otherwise.

Your lyrics seem to be very abstract, and if thats what you're going for, you've done a pretty good job.

[JDogg]

Originally posted by InTheLottery
You might want to try telling a story in your songs, people often find a song with a cleverly told story more interesting and entertaining than otherwise.

Your lyrics seem to be very abstract, and if thats what you're going for, you've done a pretty good job.


Yeah, sometimes I try to tell a story within lyrics but I find it very difficult. Usually i'll just start writing and the words will just come and i'll write them down and there's a song. But I am gonna try and work n that.

I usually am going for sort of abstract lyrics so thanks. :)

Anyoen else got any comments? suggestions? Would help me out.

[Matt]

i liked that white noise/monochrome film deal

that one was cool

[JDogg]

Originally posted by Matt
i liked that white noise/monochrome film deal

that one was cool

Cheers, there some I just wrote for a new song. Haven't introduced them to the band yet though. Hopefully they'll like them.

Those were some I wasn't sure about.

Anyone else? :confused:

[Hurricane Hunt]

sorry not really a big fan of them
try making the verses longer and put more into it they dont seem that meaning full and like in the lottery said make a story line and have the chours tell wht the problem is or the basis of the song and try not to repeat words to much it doesnt flow tht well add them once you write the song if you think it will sound good just keep it straight forward till you got it they are very poemish throw more into them weather its love hate understanding compassion fear or what ever